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15-Jul-2016 14:54
Of course, we didn’t arrive at a destructive hookup culture out of nowhere.
Wade explains that it largely came about as a result of the Industrial Revolution moving “courtship into the streets, where men were in charge,” as well as the consequence-free power of the Greek system on campuses.
And we got into conversations about this “ring by spring” culture.
I was shocked that it still existed, you know, 15 years later. People started to make me more afraid that I wouldn’t find a spouse, saying, “Well, you’re never going to be around so many people of your same age with your same interests that come from a Christian background.” And there’s truth to that.
Of course it’s easier to take advantage of someone who is already feeling the pressure to comply, and both partners are affected by the messages of hookup culture which say they shouldn’t care about one another; quite the contrary, in fact, they are expected to incorporate behaviors that are rather mean, and which leave both feeling insecure and unsatisfied.“[T]here is a persistent malaise: a deep, indefinable disappointment,” Wade explains.
“Students find that their sexual experiences are distressing or boring.
In this environment, hookups have become a form of social capital — a way to gain respect from peers.“Using indicators like hotness, blondness, fraternity membership, and athletic prowess, students form a working consensus about who is hook-up worthy, and that guides their decisions,” writes Wade.
“In hookup culture…beauty is in the eye of the beholders, plural.
It never occurred to me that the rules of hookup culture might have been holding me back from finding meaningful partnerships — but lately, I’ve started to wonder if they did.
Students (adults too, but Wade focuses on college campuses) feel compelled to engage not just in sex for sex sake, but to relate to their partners in an enormously unhealthy way.